Thursday, March 16, 2006

Hazardous? Women?

Received this from a friend via email. Are we such hazardous element?

10 comments:

FH2O said...

YES!

... since u asked! :)

IML said...

Fh20: Guess what, you have at least 3 at home so be very wary!!!

yvy said...

hahaha!! yar....although i think the weight bit is way wrong. ;)

thanks for adding me. and do drop by some time ok? i'll b back for more!

*ppssttt....it's Yvy. =P

vagus said...

YES!

Heh. And thanks for stopping by my blog.

agus said...

YES from me too!

Every single specification of it. But I dread to see the male version. It would be as severely hazardous if not fatal.

In any case, it's all fun if used according to specified purpose. Do not induce vomiting and seek medical attention for prolonged irritation.

Chen said...

I saw the similar diagram for guys as well few years back. But can't remember where I saw it :D

IML said...

chen: sure would like to know if it's as explosive and hazardous as us women ;)

Chen said...

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET

MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
MEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: MAN
ATOMIC WEIGHT: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs
SYMBOL: EGO
OCCURANCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1) Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic & Common Sense.
3) Melts if treated like a God.
4) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
5) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
6) Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1) Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.
2) May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
3) Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.
4) When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
5) Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
6) Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
7) Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 & #6.
8) Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
9) Is impervious to embarrassment.
10) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman.

Chen said...

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET - MEN
Element: Men
Symbol: MCP
Discoverer: Eve
Atomic Mass: Accepted at 60.6kg but known to vary from 50-200kg
Occurrences: Found in all areas but especially prevalent within 6 feet of televisual equipment

Physical Properties:
•SURFACE USUALLY COVERED IN COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF HAIR, ESPECIALLY IN EAR AND NASAL CAVITIES
•GENERALLY LARGER THAN WO EXCEPT FOR BRAIN CAPACITY
•REPRODUCTIVE APPENDAGES INVERSELY PROPORTIONATE TO ENGINE SIZE OF SPECIMEN'S CAR
•CHARACTERISTICS RANGE FROM MALLEABLE TO HARD AS STEEL
•RIGHT HAND SPECIALLY DESIGNED TO SUPPORT PINT POT, BEER CAN, REMOTE CONTROL AND STEERING WHEEL (NOTE: LEFT HAND IS PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF TOUCHING STEERING WHEEL DURING DRIVING PROCESS)

Chemical Properties:
•ENERGY DISSIPATES IMMEDIATELY WHEN EXPOSED TO HOUSEHOLD CHORES
•ACTIVITY AND USEFULNESS GREATLY REDUCED BY SATURATION IN ALCOHOL. REPRODUCTIVE ABILITY IS ESPECIALLY AFFECTED
•BONDING WITH OTHER SPECIMENS TRIGGERED IN THE PRESENCE OF MECHANICAL DEVICES AND BY INSUBSTANTIAL MATERIALS SUCH AS TELEVISED RUGBY
•SPECIMEN HARDENS IN PRESENCE OF SUPERIOR WO SPECIMENS
•APPEARS HARD AND COOL WHEN SURROUNDED BY OTHER MCP SPECIMENS BUT REVERTS TO NATURAL WARM, SOFT STATE IN ISOLATION
•GENETICALLY PROGRAMMED TO BOND WITH WO SPECIMEN. ONCE BONDED, TESTOSTERONE CAUSES ISOLATION TO HAVE MAGNETIC EFFECT. SPECIMEN OFTEN ATTEMPTS TO BREAK BOND AGAIN OR AT LEAST LETS OTHER MCP SPECIMENS KNOW THAT HE COULD IF HE WANTED TO.
•EYES VITRIFY AND BRAIN VISCOSITY INCREASES WHEN EXPOSED TO WO SPECIMEN'S ATTEMPTS TO ERADICATE LESS DESIRABLE MCP CHARACTERISTICS.

Common Uses:
•LABOUR SAVING DEVICES FOR TAKING OUT THE RUBBISH, MOWING THE LAWN ETC
•DESIRABLE HEATING PROPERTIES ON COLD WINTER NIGHTS
•USEFUL SACRIFICE IN THE EVENT OF EXTERNAL ATTACK ON WO

Tests:
•FORMATION OF AVERAGE SPECIMEN ONLY COMPLETED AFTER CONTACT WITH WO.
•VOLATILE - TURNS RED AND EXPLODES WHEN SUBJECT TO PRESSURE AND UNABLE TO PROGRESS ON PREDETERMINED PATH.
•UNCONTROLLED GRAVITATION TOWARDS HEAT, E.G. BBQS, 98% OF THE DUVET ETC.
•EASILY ABSORBED BY DISPROPORTIONATELY LARGE FEMALE MAMMARY GLANDS.

Hazards:
•GREATER SIZE IN COMPARISON TO WO MAKES SPECIMEN LIABLE TO CLAIM UNDULY HIGH PROPORTION OF PHYSICAL ENVIRONMENT, E.G. BED, SOFA ETC.
•REPRODUCES UNCONTROLLABLY BY ATTEMPTING TO FUSE WITH WO AT ANY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY

IML said...

chen: thank you so much. You are truly a gem!!! An a rare one too.